How to Cope With Losing a Pet: What Actually Helps, From Families Who Have Been There

When my pug Coco crossed the rainbow bridge after 14 years, the silence at home was crushing. I looked for her in her usual spots — by the sofa, near her food bowl, at the front door. The house felt entirely different without her. I knew loss, but I had not expected it to feel quite like this: immediate, physical, and completely disorienting.

If you are reading this, you may be in that same silence right now. Or you may be watching someone you love go through it and searching for how to help. Either way, I want you to know that what you are feeling — the depth and the rawness of it — is real. Losing a pet is losing a family member. It is losing a daily routine, a constant presence, a relationship built over years of small moments. That grief deserves to be taken seriously.

What follows is what I have learned from my own experience, and from the thousands of families who have shared their stories with us over the years. These are the things that actually help — drawn from grief counsellors, veterinarians, and people who have walked this path before you.

Why Pet Grief Is Real — And Why It Hurts So Much

Pet grief is real grief — and it is often the most dismissed. The phrases meant to comfort ("it was just a dog", "you can get another one", "at least they lived a long life") are well-intentioned but can leave the bereaved person feeling more alone, not less. When your grief is not acknowledged by those around you, it becomes harder to process. The loss feels compounded.

According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, 9 in 10 Americans consider their pet a member of the family. The bond between a person and their pet is built on years of daily contact, unconditional presence, and a kind of trust that is genuinely rare. The grief that follows a pet's death is proportional to that bond — and it follows no prescribed schedule.

Some people feel intense grief for weeks. Others carry it in quiet ways for years, returning to it on anniversaries or in unexpected moments — a particular smell, a sound, a time of day that used to belong to their animal. Both are normal. There is no right way to grieve, and there is no timeline you are supposed to follow.

The 7 Things That Actually Help

• 1

  Allow yourself to grieve fully

  The most important thing — and the hardest — is to give yourself permission to feel the loss without minimising it. Do not rush the grief. Do not tell yourself you "should" be over it by now. The grief is proportional to the love, and the love was real. Let yourself cry, be still, and feel whatever you feel without apology.

• 2

  Acknowledge the silence

  Many pet owners describe the silence at home as the hardest part — the absence of sound, movement, and routine that the animal provided. Acknowledge that the silence is real and that it is part of the grief. Some people find it helpful to keep their pet's bed or toys in place for a while. Others find it helpful to change the space. There is no right choice — do what helps you.

• 3

  Create a ritual or memorial

  Grief needs somewhere to go. A ritual — however small — gives the grief a form and a direction. Light a candle on the date of their passing. Plant something in the garden. Write them a letter. Frame a favourite photo. Create a small space in your home that honours their memory. These acts are not about staying stuck in grief — they are about honouring the life that was lived and the bond that was real.

• 4

  Look at photos and share memories

  Many people are afraid to look at photos in the early days of grief because they fear it will make the pain worse. In most cases, it does the opposite — it reconnects you with the joy of the relationship, not just the loss. Share photos with people who loved your pet. Tell stories about them. Let them exist in conversation as well as in memory.

• 5

  Find a physical comfort object

  For many families, having something tangible to hold onto helps — something that represents the physical presence of the animal they are missing. This might be a favourite blanket, a collar, or a handmade keepsake. Some families find that a custom stuffed animal made to look like their pet brings a particular kind of comfort — a physical presence to hold when the absence feels most acute. Whatever form it takes, having something real to hold can be a genuine part of the healing process.

• 6

  Reach out to pet loss support communities

  You do not have to carry this alone. Pet loss support groups — both in person and online — bring together people who understand the specific nature of this grief in a way that others sometimes cannot. The Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline offers free telephone support. The AVMA pet loss guidance page provides vetted resources. The Best Friends Animal Society and the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement both offer community and professional support.

• 7

  Give yourself time — as much as you need

  Grief does not follow a calendar. Some days will feel lighter than others. Some days will feel just as heavy as the first. Milestones — the first birthday without them, the first Christmas, the first anniversary of their passing — can bring the grief back with unexpected force. That is not a step backwards. That is the nature of love. Be patient with yourself throughout.

Helping Children Through Pet Loss

Pet loss is often a child's first experience of death — and how it is handled can shape how they understand and process grief for the rest of their lives. The most important thing is honesty. Children can sense when something is being hidden from them, and vague explanations like "Rosie went to sleep" or "went away" can create confusion and anxiety rather than comfort.

• Be honest and use clear language. Tell them that the pet has died, and that death means they will not come back. Use the pet's name. Acknowledge that it is sad, because it is.
• Allow them to grieve in their own way. Children may cry, or they may seem fine and then grieve later. Both are normal. Do not tell them not to be sad, and do not tell them they should "be strong".
• Involve them in a memorial ritual. Children who are given a role in honouring the pet — drawing a picture, planting a flower, choosing a spot for a memory box — often process grief more effectively. It gives them agency and a positive way to participate.
• Answer their questions honestly. Children will ask where the pet has gone and what happens after death. Answer honestly according to your own beliefs. Acknowledging that we do not know everything is also a valid and honest answer.

Cornell University's pet loss support guidance specifically notes that children benefit from being included rather than protected from the grief — the shared experience of mourning can strengthen family bonds and give children language and skills for processing loss throughout their lives.

Memorialising Your Pet — Ideas That Last

Memorialising a pet is not about holding on to grief — it is about honouring the life that was lived and giving the love somewhere to go. The right memorial is whatever feels true to the relationship you had.

• A custom handmade plush that looks just like them — something to hold
• A framed portrait or commissioned painting from their photos
• A donation to an animal shelter or rescue in their name
• A personalised memory box for their collar, favourite toy, and photos
• A plant or tree planted in the garden in their memory
• A memorial ornament for the Christmas tree
• A custom photo book — their life in pictures
• A garden stone engraved with their name and dates

Support Resources for Pet Loss

These are real, vetted resources from organisations that specialise in pet loss support. All are free or low-cost. If you are struggling, please reach out — you do not have to carry this alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

If you are supporting a friend who has lost their pet, our guide on the best gifts for someone who lost a dog or cat may also help.